How to flirt on text: 10 Ways to Have a Flirty Conversation
“I’ve got a text!”
Flirting over text is the quickest and easiest way to show someone you’re interested. But the downside is it’s sometimes hard to convey the right emotions.
But don’t worry — this guide has all the answers on how to flirt over text, as we’ve got 10 fail-proof ways to ensure complete dating success.
I’m not big on the whole “wait three days” thing, so I’m texting you now.
1. Send a flirty compliment
Compliments are effective because they make the recipient feel good about themselves. It’s why we all love receiving them. And when it comes to flirting over text, sending a sweet message to make your crush smile is a sure-fire way to earn brownie points.
“Compliments can be a useful tool to nurture and enhance relationships,” says psychotherapist Lindsay Liben, LCSW. “Ultimately it contributes to deeper, more intimate connection.”
Compliments can also make you as the giver feel happier too. Liben points to research showing that giving gratitude-based compliments, in particular, correlates with greater levels of optimism, satisfaction and happiness.
And you don’t have to try too hard with your compliments either. Keep it simple by following these examples:
- “You have such a lovely smile.”
- “You’ve been smashing it at work this week.”
- “You always say the nicest things”.
Make sure that the compliments you’re sending are genuine and heart-felt. They might come across as insincere otherwise.
2. Use their name in texts
What’s in a name? Well, quite a lot, actually. Using your crush’s name in a text draws their attention straight to you. It also shows respect and consideration for the conversation.
Using the person’s name acknowledges their identity, massaging their Ego and hence boosting their self-esteem. Just by recognizing that they exist, you have done them a great favor (according to Changing Minds).
When you next send a text to your crush, try using their name. If in doubt, these examples should help you get started:
- “Hey, Adam! How has your day been?”
This immediately grabs their attention and shows that you’re thinking about them..
- So, Ben, what would you like to do at the weekend?
This puts the spotlight on your question, allowing you to make plans to go on a date.
- “That’s an interesting point, Joe. Can I add to that…”
This offers you the chance to talk about something more interesting. It also keeps the conversation on track.
I’ve been dreaming of you even when I’m wide awake.
3. Be mysterious
It’s the age-old dating conundrum: do you make it obvious you’re keen, or do you play hard to get? Based on research, it seems that it’s actually better to keep some things secret. Because the unknown is so sexy.
As humans, we are naturally curious beings. Mystery also plays into the fantasy element of our brain. This means that over time, your crush will want to know more. It’s science; they won’t be able to help themselves.
In fact, a study with Erin Whitchurch and her colleagues with 47 female undergraduates found that being unavailable isn’t attractive, but being mysterious is.
According to the researchers, “people who create uncertainty about how much they like someone can increase that person’s interest in them” (see the full report here“He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not . . . ”: Uncertainty Can Increase Romantic Attraction).
If you’re looking for ways on how to be mysterious, don’t text back too soon. You should show your crush that life doesn’t revolve around them. You have friends, you go out and have fun, and texting them back isn’t your priority (even if it is).
Also, don’t offer up too much information about yourself. That can come at a later date when you’ve built that trust with your crush. Instead, leave them wanting to find out more.
An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle…The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken.” --Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction
4. Use emojis in your texts
Not only are emojis fun, but they convey a whole range of emotions that words sometimes can’t. Expressing yourself through an emoji can also help build a sense of empathy between you and the person you’re texting.
They also add a lighthearted touch to your conversation. Or if you’re not in the mood to chat, you can send an emoji to stop yourself from coming across as rude.
In respect of smiley emoji, these also appear to be particularly impactful on recipients’ emotions through the process of emotional contagion (Lohmann, Pyka, & Zanger, 2017).
- The heart eyes emoji is perfect if you love what your crush is saying.
- If you’re feeling sad, say it with a sad faced emoji.
- If you want to invite them for food, any food emojis will work.
- Feeling naughty? Then whack out the aubergine.
Surprise! I got you flowers: [bouquet emoji]
5. Arouse your crush discreetly
You might not want to go as far as sexting, but you can arouse your crush by dropping very subtle sexual hints throughout your messages. But try keeping it PG13 to start with, as going in too hard early on could scare them off.
The next time you text, try dropping in some of these lowkey messages to get your crush feeling aroused.
- “Lying in bed and bored. Wish you were here to play Simon Says with me ;)”
- “I would invite you to come over this weekend, but I’m not sure I can keep my hands to myself.”
- “Do you have any fantasies?”
This text entitles you to one kiss on the body part of your choice. Choose wisely…
6. Don’t come on too strong
This is probably the one piece of advice that we have all needed to hear at some point in our lives. It’s hard. When you’re into someone, it’s so easy to get obsessed about whether they actually like you or not. But overdoing it will scare them off, and removes that sense of mystery we covered earlier on.
“If someone has a life and is busy at work, it’s fun to hear from them a few times a day when you first start dating, but creating a digital novel is too much, too soon,” said award-winning dating coach and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert, Julie Spira.
“If you’re forgetting that this new person you’re dating has their own life, you might be coming off way too strong,” said TooTimid’s sex and relationship expert, Bethany Ricciardi. “You don’t want to ask them to hang out every night, or tag along during errands and events they have going on. If they want you there they’ll invite you and sometimes people just need their alone time.”
To combat this, take some of these tips on board:
- Stop texting first. If you get the urge, fight it. They WILL text back. And if they don’t, maybe they weren’t the right one after all.
- Shorten your messages. Only give them the good stuff — don’t waffle, as long messages are hard to respond to. Plus, you want to maintain that air of mystery, so only send the top-line details until they ask for more.
- Once you’ve sent your message, don’t text for a follow up. Be patient — your crush has a busy life and probably hasn’t gotten around to it yet.
7. Show that you care about him or her
The little things often speak the loudest. You don’t have to spend a lot of money or put in a lot of effort to make someone feel appreciated. But by showing him or her some random acts of kindness, you’ll make them feel so loved.
Here are a list of examples to tell someone you love and appreciate them (from TinyBuddha.com)
- Make them a cup of tea when they haven’t asked for one.
- Give them a spontaneous hug.
- Ask them if they’re OK.
- Offer to help with the cleaning.
- Share your food.
- Record their favourite TV show.
- Send flowers for no reason.
- Run them a bath.
- Give them your last piece of chocolate.
- Put a note in with their lunch.
8. Tease your crush
Gently teasing your crush over text is sure to get their attention. From poking fun out of something they don’t like about themselves, to giving them a funny pet name, lighthearted banter can go a long way.
It shows you’re up for having a laugh and don’t take yourself too seriously. Make sure that if you can give it, you can take it too.
9. Don’t be clingy
Every day texting is not cool. Not only will it stress your crush out, but it will stress you out too. No-one has time to be on the phone all day. It’s wise to find other things to focus on to stop yourself from worrying about when you might receive a message.
According to MyDomain.com, when you feel the urge to frequently contact your crush, it’s important to put down the phone and use that time to focus on yourself rather than reaching out to him or her.
Try sticking to a particular time each day that you will allow yourself to text. Then once that’s sent, refrain from sending another message until your crush responds. If you have to, block their number for a few hours to stop yourself from temptation.
Also, don’t get too carried away. When you receive a reply, leave it for an hour or so before responding. That way, the messaging doesn’t feel too intense and it gives you both time to think about your replies. Think quality over quantity.
10. Share some flirty pictures
Nude pictures can be fun, but only when you truly trust someone enough to know that they’re not going to share them. Plus, you don’t want to deliver all the goods straight away.
“Instead of a money shot, try picking a more family-friendly part of your bod and presenting it in a sexy way, like your legs. Sit on the bed with your bare legs crossed at the ankle” (find more hot picture ideas here).
Or why not borrow some of their clothes the next time you’re round and take a snap of you wearing them? Strategically undo a button or show a peek of flesh to get them in the mood.
You could try something super simple by sending a close up picture of your lips. Lips drive men wild, so why not show a flash of tongue to up the stakes?
You look so good right now. I can’t actually see you, but I assume you look good, because you always do.
Flirt with your crush on text today!
There’s so much fun to be had with texting. Don’t stress out about it too much — keep it lighthearted and flirty, and see where it might lead.